Chortling...

Sample One:
Her eyelashes fluttered like the windshield wipers of an eighteen-wheeler on the Ohio Turnpike when the weary-eyed driver is trying to have at least some vision in a heavy August rainstorm that is like an Appaloosa urinating on solid asphalt.


Sample Two:
"I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, "you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' - and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' - well do you, punk?"


Sample Three:
"It was a day, like any other day, in that Linus got up, faced the sunrise, used his inhaler, applied that special cream between his toes, wrote a quick note and put it in a bottle, and wished he'd been stranded on the island with something other than 40 cases each of inhalers, decorative bottles, and special toe cream."


Sample Four:
He loved her like no other, their romance developing quickly, like the rapid growth of farm swine which grow from 2 to 4 pounds daily until they're fully grown and put to market for slaughter, or like the rapidly growing cells that produce moose antlers until they fall off in early spring, and suddenly Bill sensed the imminent doom of his romance lying in wait.


Link from Shekhar: The results of the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Go read. :)
3 Comments:
Anonymous mrajshekhar said...

i cannot believe you did not put up the one about furniture disease. or this one...

While Hector and the heroes of Troy trembled behind the ramparts as cowboys below the walls raced up and down the beach, six-guns blazing and cries of "yee-hah!" filling the air, other cowboys across the sea were laboring gamely but in vain to throw a palisade around Wichita, Kansas, thereby adding veracity to the old homily of history that it is easier to cow a fortified city than to fortify a cow city.

July 16, 2006 11:50 PM  
Blogger Nikhil Pahwa said...

Can you ever forgive me for this? *melodramatic pose*

July 17, 2006 12:41 AM  
Anonymous mrajshekhar said...

he was angry. as angry as an alligator that has seen its prey, a wildebeest as juicy as a tender, lightly braised tenderloin steak that had been marinated to perfection in a fine sauce of white wine, shallots, cloves, and then served with a helping of chateau merlot 1965, a year when the wines were drier than normal, waylaid by another alligator.

and so (a melodramatic pose > your melodramatic pose). and "No!"

July 17, 2006 4:11 AM  

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